A Path Forward - An Official OCD Diagnosis

I want to share an update from my mental health journey in hopes to empower anyone else who may be struggling silently not knowing which way to turn.

On July 17th, I finally decided to seek professional help. I’m not going to lie; I experienced a lot of anxiety on my drive there. However, once I got there, I pulled up to the most peaceful traffic circle I've ever seen. I stopped by the restroom to take a moment to pray for myself and the doctor I'll be seeing. I then walk in to the doctor’s office to one of my favorite worship songs playing on the tv (Do it Again by Elevation Worship) and a personal verse on the wall (John 3:16 - “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.). I knew God was saying to me, "Be at peace daughter, I have you and this." There is really nothing like feeling the Father's arms tightly around you like that. ❤️

I have an official diagnosis of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) which is something I suspected I've had for a while now going back as far as childhood, but never sought help because I did not have the “tv or movie style” OCD that we all see and can pinpoint right away what it is. Mine is intrusive thoughts dealing with relationships, perfectionism, and things being just right.

This has been a long, hard battle that I've been fighting silently between me, God, and sometimes my husband when I felt ok burdening him with my “issues”. Not knowing why the intrusive thoughts would come in and not leave is something that I've wrestled with and have been beating myself up over for the last 3 years. I just kept thinking something is seriously wrong with me and I must be this really horrible person to have the kind of thoughts I'd have.

This OCD diagnosis is an answer to many prayers, tears, questions, etc. It's a light at the end of what seemed like a really long, dark tunnel.

It's the answer to other people's questions about why I process information the way I do or why I deal with change the way I deal with it.

I'm not flawed. I have a mental health diagnosis. Similar to how someone gets a diabetes diagnosis, a heart condition diagnosis, or a cancer diagnosis. Yes, I use the extreme example of cancer because for the last three years I have been dealing with overwhelming thoughts of death and not being here anymore. This was life or death for me.

Thankfully because of insurance changes and courage, I now have answers. Now I have a direction to shift my focus to. A direction to start learning how to cope with this in a way that doesn't lead to broken relationships and/or a broken Christi.

I arrived anxious BUT GOD. He quickly calmed my fears and anxieties and the doctor I saw was amazing. I left full of hope and ready to start this new path.

I didn't know what all to expect, but I was hopeful.

I started on medication to help with the obsessive/compulsive thoughts that had become very debilitating, affecting so many areas of my life and causing me to experience severe anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. And two days in, I was already experiencing a quiet mind, significantly less anxiety. The depression was relieved and the hopelessness is gone.

So if you are struggling alone, please don't. I KNOW it's so hard to get past the stigma of a mental health diagnosis, but if no one else supports you, please know I do. I may not say all the right words or know what to say at all, but I promise this, I will never judge you.

I Pray that God gives you direction and the right provider. I pray God gives you courage and strength to get up and keep fighting. I pray you seek Him in all of it because without Him...I would not be here today period.

I love you guys and hope you find encouragement though this part of my faith/life journey. ❤️

And I pray that anyone reading this will receive it with love, and an open, compassionate heart, leaving no room for judgment or desires to weaponize it against me.

Thank you, Lord, for answers, guidance and your never-ending grace and love. I pray all of this in Jesus' name, AMEN.

Jeremiah 1:5 - “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Psalms 139:14 - Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

❤️✝️🐑🙌

Resources to Learn More About OCD:

• What Is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)? What Are the Symptoms of OCD?

• Common Types of OCD: Subtypes, Their Symptoms and the Best Treatment

• Meier Clinics