Flawed But Worth Fighting For

Alright....about to pour my heart out. ❤️ 😭

I am flawed but worth fighting for.

I am probably one of the few people you want in your corner when life drops you to your knees. You'll get 110% of me. That's just who I am. I love hard.

But, what comes with that, is a really tender heart that gets hurt pretty easy. Something God has been working with me on, is when people show me I have to prove my worth to them, I start withdrawing and they no longer get the full me they used to get.

I'm an open book kind of girl. I'm pretty transparent and very vulnerable. I struggle with comparison, jealousy, anger, and lack of patience. Definitely not the traits I like to flaunt and talk about, but at the end of the day, I am but a flawed creation working to grow into whatever beautiful being God wants me to be.

I am flawed but worth fighting for.

This past week and half has been incredibly brutal and as an empath, I feel the shifts deeper than anyone can imagine. Deeply rooted heart pain. The kind of pain that sits heavy on your chest, making it nearly impossible to breathe. Stepping into a new leadership role, a role God called me to, the imperfections above have been brutal, coming seemingly out of nowhere.

A combination of a comment someone made, plus a reoccurrance of a word in that comment has absolutely rocked me. God called me to this role, yet I feel so flawed and way too messed up for the job. I feel like God's so far away right now. I don't know if I've locked him out or if he is just sitting quietly by, but it's breaking me down emotionally and I have been feeling so lost.

I am somewhere between "take me or leave me" and "keep fighting for this because of where God is taking me".

The space of influence is a tricky space to find yourself in. Yet, here I am smack in the middle of it struggling like I'm some moody teenage girl (sorry to my church daughters....I love y'all so much).

I am flawed but worth fighting for.

God has given me this influencial voice, yet this last week and half, it feels like he's taken it away. It's a hard place to be in. My voice is silent somehow like my favorite Disney Princess Ariel when she gave hers away to the evil queen.

My voice is flawed but worth fighting for.

So as I type this up for what seems like forever, I ask that if you are somewhere between needing me to prove my worth to you and letting me go, just know I am flawed but worth fighting for.

I can't make the choice for you, but I give you the blessing to let go if you need to.

And I ask my friends who know my worth, please pray bold prayers for me. You can't fight my battle for me, but I need some warriors standing at my back fighting off the attacks of the enemy. I need strength, courage, boldness, and more importantly, the undeniable presence of God back in my mind, body, and spirit.

I am flawed but worth fighting for.

Love you guys

Christi McLain - Grace Full Valley

❤️✝️🐑🙏